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Kvinnan är en mystisk varelse. En anekdot handlar om en gubbe vars vänner ville sätta gubbens luktsinne på prov. De knöt en handduk framför gubbens ögon så att han inte kunde se, varpå de förde in gubbens kärring helt naken i rummet och uppmanade gubben att gissa vad det var genom att enbart lukta på henne. Gubben luktade både framför och bakom och sade: ”Detta måste vara en skithusdörr från en skärgårdsö därför att den luktar fisk på framsidan och bajs på baksidan!”
Och så var det en bonde som satte in en kontaktannons med följande ordalydelse (”Bonde söker fru”!): ”Bonde, 59 år, vill ha en bondmora som har blivit änka och som har ärvt en traktor, svara med foto på traktorn.” Själv var jag så jävla dum att jag stack snoppen i ”Lena-len Fin-Hultin”. Hon var mycket högfärdig för att hon är född i en förmögen släkt och hon var extremt elak mot mig, så jag har inte vågat ha ett förhållande med någon kvinna efter att hon bröt med mig efter två månaders umgänge. Det var 30 år sedan. Jag är rädd för att jag inte ska kunna tillfredsställa en vuxen kvinna och göra henne lycklig. Hur gör man?
En kvinna förklarade för mig att viktigare än storleken på mannens penis är att han håller upp dörren för henne. En dag skröt jag för henne att jag tror att jag skulle ha kunnat bli en skicklig diamantslipare (jag hade då läst en bok om diamanter). Dagen efter slängde hon en rävpäls i knät på mig och begärde att jag skulle sy en hundjacka av den åt hennes knähund. Det tog mig en hel sommar då jag var intagen på Ringsjöhemmets behandlingshem i Skåne. Hundjackan blev mycket fin, men hon spillde kaffe på den. Vet Du förresten, att det tryck som krävs för att skapa en äkta diamant är det samma som när en gudomligt stor och stark, afrikansk elefanttjur balanserar på marken, hållande en promenadkäpp med snabeln och utan att beröra marken med någon kroppsdel och samtidigt sitter, klänger och klättrar fem andra lika stora och tunga afrikanska elefanttjurar på gudaelefantens kropp. 36 ton/cm2?
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